And now, we wait.

A post by Kait...

I've spent almost 32 years on this crazy earth. Between losing my Dad to cancer as a teen, living with a chronic illness which has required major head/neck surgery, and Weston and I being the victims of a parking lot robbery and abduction, it's safe to say that life has been a bit of a roller coaster ride. I've had some incredibly high points, but also some pretty low lows. Following each of these low points, I (with some serious help) have slowly clawed my way back into "normal" life, and brought with me a new perspective and a deeper understanding of what it means to truly rely on God.

As we embarked on this adoption journey, I knew we had a lot to learn. I read about how much this process can stretch and test you personally, as a couple, and as a family. We were ready to accept and face whatever came our way. What I wasn't ready for is a new kind of trial - the kind that comes between the highs and the lows. The kind of trial that doesn't call upon your flight or fight response, or take 6 months of post surgery recovery time, or require you to walk through the stages of grief.

Most of my trials have come in with a bang and left me flat on my face with no where to go but up. This trial is different, and with it comes a slow, steady ache. With it comes a struggle for answers as my sweet son whispers questions to me as I tuck him in at night "But when is she coming home, mommy?" This trial brings with it a longing for what is to come, and challenges my desire to not wish away days, because all in all, these are really good days. This current trial is wrapped up in a single word: wait.  

If you have asked me recently where we are in our adoption process (and thank you so much for asking), I have probably rattled off a list of documents we've been gathering or told you about our home study and then I ended up saying "and now, we wait."  And now, we wait. Wait. The thing that scares me the most about this trial is that we have only just begun. I've said this before but the uncertainty of the wait that lies ahead takes my breath away. My faith is being tested in ways it hasn't been tested during trials before, because I am not broken and hopeless this time. We are full of hope and doing everything we can to make this adoption happen but the majority of this process is completely out of our hands.  We must wait. 

For some people, the relatively short amount of time we have spent waiting so far is a drop in the bucket. We know people who have spent years upon years and even decades waiting, yearning. In light of our current circumstances, I can not tell those people enough how much I respect them for their faithfulness.

If life is a roller coaster ride, I like to picture us currently sitting on the incline, on our way up to the highest point. You know, the "click click click click click" part as you are slowly pulled upwards on your way to experience the most exhilarating part of the ride. That's the part of the ride where you have time to think, to contemplate, to anticipate. It brings with it fear and excitement, and you remind yourself that you actually wanted to do this. It will be worth it. You are locked in, you're committed, you've surrendered to the ride. And now, you wait.

As I was thinking about this post, a verse that was one of my Dad's favorites came to mind and seemed the perfect way to end:

Isaiah 40:31

  But they that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength; they will mount up with wings as eagles; they will run, and not be weary; and they will walk and not faint. 

Working hard at their bake sale.

For those who are wondering exactly where we are in this process, we have officially completed our home study, yay! It was a really great experience and we loved the social worker who conducted our study. Now, our home study has been submitted and we are currently waiting on our I-800A approval, which is the U.S. government's approval for us to adopt from China. After that, we will submit our dossier (a whole bunch of documents put together in a pretty package) to China. Once they have received our dossier we will be eligible to be matched with a child. Once we are eligible, we wait. :) This will likely be our longest wait but it will be so worth it.